Trying in the Bush

So clomid sucks but like I said before sooo worth it if my little one is coming from this!  I am in pain everyday and I am staying away from drugs, with the exception of benedryl (my allergies love me for that!) which means I'm not taking any pain meds.. and it takes a lot of will power to stay away from pain pills by the end of the day! I've been substitute teaching this week, fourth grade which includes my two youngest boys and by the end of the day I just want to curl up on the couch! My swimmers are suppose to ship on Monday but apparently I gave NW the wrong credit card and so it didn't go through.. this means I have to get up at about 4 a.m. my time to call them Monday with the right number and hope they are still able to ship Monday! Still even with the little bumps it seems the stars are lining up for our baby to finally come home.
So having said all that how exactly do I believe the stars may finally be lining up for our sweet baby?

Reason #1: The extra pain of clomid seems to be nothing but good news that my ovaries are working hard to produce some beautiful eggs and that makes me very happy.

Reason #2:  Early this cycle I had a dream and  while most of my dreams are just that, dreams occasionally I have one that seems to actually mean something.  Case in point 10 years ago one October morning I woke up and informed my husband I saw our baby, could see his sweet smiling face...we had tried that month to get pregnant so I thought that meant I was, when aunt flow showed her ugly face I decided the dream meant nothing, 2 weeks later Family Services called and asked if we would foster 4 children, 3 of them in diapers still. We said yes and the end of that week we went to the office to pick up the youngest of the four, a 6 week old little boy.  When I pulled back the blanket I gasped and whispered to my husband, that is the baby I dreamed about!  Now mind you they were suppose to be just foster children so I was very confused.. that little dream is now my ten year old very active son.  He was born around the time I had the dream.
So back to present day, and why this dream was so different then the million other odd dreams I have been having lately.  I dreamed I was in labor, everyone that was suppose to be there was and we were waiting for the big event, but nothing was progressing so we decided to go walking and me being a chick suggested we go to the Mall...while we were at the mall I began to freak out because my mom was with us, and she was a Sabbath keeper ( a Sabbath keeper keeps Saturday as a holy day).  The dream very much focused on her being a Sabbath keeper (my mom is not a Sabbath keeper so that part made me really chuckle) .  Why was this important, obviously the dream was trying to tell me that Saturday was an important day...flash forward to relating the dream to my mom.. I looked up what my due would be if I conceived this cycle...August 11th, 2012 which happens to fall on a Saturday!  My mom got chills and I did too...

Reason #3:  I couldn't really get that dream out of my head and it happened that a board I visited began a discussion on TTC psychics  so I decided what the heck I'll give this lady (Cheri22) a try.  She wrote me back and said she saw November as being either the month our son would be born in, the month he was conceived in, or the month we would find out.  Ok so that confirmed my dream and the description she gave of our son was amazing! I wrote her back and told her how much our son sounded like us and how many genetic traits she had described when talking about him.  I ended the letter with a request, I told her I didn't know how this all works, but if she happened to see him again, please tell him to hurry home and his name is M.  She wrote me back and told me when she read his name, chills ran through her and that almost always meant our child was on his way immediately!

Reason #4: Things miraculously lined up for my friend.  A and I have been friends since my youngest was not quite a year old.  She has been there for me through the ups and down roller coaster that we rode to adopting them, she was there through our many failed attempts to get pregnant, and she was there when we decided it wasn't time anymore.  We drifted apart, but somehow we found each other again and our friendship is stronger and better then it ever has been.  Now we are both at a point in our lives where we are ready to try again, and while we have been at that point for over a year for various reasons it just kept not happening for either of us, we planned and talked, gave up and recommitted...and then we knew this month was going to be it for me and thought she would have to wait a couple more months due to a nasty evil cyst.. and then she found out the cyst was gone and she could try this month.. and because of how both our cycles run we will be just days apart in our insemination dates and our testing dates.  It's so nice not to be walking this road alone and to know that someone is there, just a phone call away that gets it all and won't yell at me for complaining to much or crying too much, or not crying enough.  Friends that last are such a rare find, and I have no doubt that this is a friendship that will last until we are both old grannies!  I can't quite decide who I'm more excited for myself or her... I can't wait to hear that she has a BFP!

Having said all that, how am I gearing up for failure.. well honestly I'm not I am surrounding myself with positive energy and if somehow it ends up not being I will deal with that then.  I know from experience everything has a reason and a time.. but I also am certain that this is our time, both of us...we are going to go through this journey together as only friends who have both struggled with TTC can!