The last week has been crazy in our house. Dh, O's parents came up for a visit and summer school officially started. Life here is all about community, and besides the personal changes I have started finding acceptance in the community, finally! Apparently being here a year and living here over the summer starts people thinking that maybe you really do want to be here. They are right, we have no intentions of moving again in the near future. Is life hard here, in some way definitely, in others, not so much. We don't have the pressures that life in the lower 48 have, everyone is a lot more laid back about most things. On the downside you can't run to the store for anything, so you have to always plan ahead and shop accordingly, or in our case if you are trying for a baby, budget accordingly. We not only have to plan on fees for the clinic, we also have to budget for plane flights, hotel costs, eating out and that adds a lot to the expense of trying to have a baby in the Bush.
I digress though, amidst the chaos of company, school, and general life (being accepted means being invited to do really cool things like help cut up fish) we finally got a call from the fertility clinic. They received all of our paperwork and we could set up our first appointment. It's official I see the doctor on August 4th at 2 p.m.!!! Yeah! I am tired of waiting to get started and ready to actually be in the middle of a different kind of chaos. We look to the appointment with a mixture of excitement and fear. I know the roller coaster that is waiting, and yet I have so much hope that this time it's going to end in something really amazing, all signs point towards this being our time to get a Big Fat Positive (here out referred to as the elusive BFP). I am praying and visualizing and working hard to make it happen. I have been exercising (ok so not for the last week I failed there) and have been losing weight, focusing on getting as healthy as possible. My cycles have for the first time since I was 16 been regular for six months now.. I have to believe it has to do with all the work I've put in. So here we go, are you ready to ride the coaster with us? All aboard! I'm certain it will be bumpy and scary, and exciting, and all will end with a huge smile on our face!
I've lost about 40 pounds in the last year, yeah me, go me...lots of work and skipping desserts involved. Finally about 6 months ago I saw the first signs of a really positive thing happening (besides being in a size 12 jean.. smallest I've been since high school!) I started having regular periods.. I mean full blown, pms, sore boobs, bleed for a week periods. What was it like before? I only bled once maybe twice a year unless the doctor started me up.. I would spot for weeks then have a good flow for a week, then nothing for the next several months.. I wasn't complaining, didn't want a baby right then so it was all good, but in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't, I knew I wanted more children one day.
So back to present day, I had four good regular periods, then last month, nothing, I cramped for two weeks, but Aunt Flo never showed her face. I was discouraged, we had decided now was the time to try again for that baby we so desperately want, and my body was failing me again. I thought, all the hard work to lose the weight and in the end it did me no good at all..
So imagine my surprise when at midnight after another week of cramping I went to the bathroom and discovered..wait for it... yep Blood! I may be one of the rare women who is thrilled to be bleeding...I welcome the cramps and bloating...it means my body is doing what it's suppose to do...Now we wait for the Infertility clinic to contact us so we can set up an appointment...I hate all the waiting involved in this, but if one day I get my Big Fat Positive it will all be worth it!
The logistics of trying to conceive in the Bush village of Alaska are scary, but I am hoping we can work it all out. For those not familiar with it, I live in a village that is fly in and fly out only, except in the summer, we can take a boat to the nearest town, then still have to fly out to Anchorage. In the winter by December or January we are able to drive on the ice road, but again still have to fly on to Anchorage. So we decided to do the insemination at the clinic, but that may change if the doctors there think it's better to do it at home. We shall see. I plan on having the baby in Anchorage as I can use a midwife and birthing clinic, I really wanted a home birth, but there are times here when you can't get out of the village, period no flights, no boats, no road and I think that is just too risky for my comfort level. So a birthing clinic is the next best choice. I think I am skipping way ahead though, I keep trying to reign myself in with all the planning and what if's.. it's so hard though, baby thoughts are running through my brain all the time and we haven't even done one cycle here yet.
