Trying in the Bush

It's a rather difficult and yet blessed kind of situation when you find your dreams crashing down and  beginning all over again the same day.  That's what happens when you are TTC and AF arrives...all in the same day you must say goodbye to the dreams you held the previous month, and yet before the pee even dries on the stick, you are pushed into preparations for the next month.  Sperm must be ordered and an estimation of when they should arrive made, the nurse that keeps account of your cycle must be called to be informed that it has all begun again and you are back to the start, then a plan must be made with your doctor for this next cycle.  All of this before you even really have a chance to breath and recognize what has just taken place.  Somehow though it's still an easier place to be then to know it's over but waiting for AF to show.. because in that space, no matter how much evidence you have been given that there will be no baby, you still pray and hope for some special miracle that will defy all the odds.  Af is kind in her cruelty, for in a sense while she rips those dreams away, she makes sure we can't hold onto false hope, she pushed us back into the game, urging us to continue, when all we want to do right then is lick our wounds and cry out about the unfairness of it all. She doesn't allow us those moments though, she knows that nothing good comes of them, and that if we really hope to one day miss seeing her, we have to make those calls, let go of the past, and move forward towards the furture.