Trying in the Bush

Day 9 of the cycle has come and almost gone and a few odd things have occurred.  I feel fat, as in my jeans are barely fitting, they are tight and uncomfortable..and since we haven't even gotten our little swimmers yet I know exactly what isn't the problem...which leaves me blaming clomid.  I don't remember having this issue before when I was on clomid so it tends to make me a little nervous.  Along with not hardly fitting my jeans (and I've actually lost a pound in the last 3 weeks..I checked today so it's not weight gain) I am also feeling quite crampy...that's not pleasant at all.. again don't remember this problem last time.. but I was quite a bit younger at the time so maybe that's it.  Oh and yes I took gas pills just in case that was the issue.. it isn't!  Then I did my pee on the OPK stick ritual.. and was shocked to find a smiley face staring back at me.. WTH?  No way I am ovulating on day 9 of my cycle, a frantic call to a friend later and a cervical check and I'm fairly certain it's a false positive, I don't want false anything, I don't want false positives, false symptoms I want only the real thing is that really too much to ask?  So here I sit, bloated, and crampy and freaked out and nothing to do about any of it but wait.. ewww