Trying in the Bush

The waiting is killing me, I feel like I'm in limbo right now, I want to have answers, dates, besides the date I have already of course.  The longer I wait the more pessimistic I feel.  I keep thinking why should this time be any different, am I just setting myself up for another round of disappointment and heartbreak?   When I made the appointment and sent in all the paperwork I was so optimistic, now I am struggling to stay that way, and we haven't even started yet!  I know things are much better then what they were in the fertility field, they know so much more now, I am healthier then I have ever been, but still it can't help feeling a bit like winning the lottery, and well I don't play because that's how bad my luck is in those kind of things!  I am happy, I love my children and if I never give birth my world won't end, and I won't become a miserable unhappy person for lack of a baby, so why do I think it's a good idea to go here emotionally?  Am I being fair to my family?  Sigh, sometimes my brain really just needs to shut up!  So today I am seeing the glass half empty, hopefully tomorrow it will be half full again!