Ok so this post might be a bit much for some people, if you have a sensitive tummy, can't handle bodily functions, or just don't want to even think of me that way... please skip! This is for my records, if I am pregnant, its so I can remember those early days when all I had was hope, and if I'm not, I want to remember what I felt like so I can compare it the next cycle.
I've been off and on crampy for most of this cycle, but on 4 DPI the cramps became very menstrual like wrapping around to my back and making me extremely uncomfortable. They were gone by morning, only to return, just not as bad, last night 5DPI. This morning is 6 DPI and I went to bed last night with a stuffy nose, got up this morning with same stuffy nose, despite my breath right strips I tried out, feel like I have an attack of allergies coming on. Cramping is mild this morning. I had a short lived severe headache hit me last night..what was that all about? I don't know but it was followed a little later by a dizzy spell that lasted only a second or two.. felt like my brain shook inside my head...weird! No breast tenderness, not overly emotional, not frequently peeing, and not overly tired...
My cervix was putting off quite a bit of mucus yesterday, it was a mixture of kind of stringy and creamy...was quite a large amount of it! Cervix also rose back up yesterday, it had dropped low, now it is more medium. Ok that's it.. enough analyzing.. but really it is for my future sanity LOL!
Just a little over a week now before I am finished with my first two week wait. I had a day yesterday, it felt like the waiting would never end, I wanted to do something so badly I even contemplated taking a test, any test would do.. just so I could do something, anything to pass this time. Of course I realize how incredibly silly this would be, no test would show anything yet and would just be a waste. Interesting but probably of no significance.. none the less I am noting it here, just in case I have to do this again next month. I want to remember. I have been cramping since starting Clomid, but sometime late yesterday the cramping stopped, and stayed away until this afternoon while I was on the phone with my friend, A.. then wham it started up again, and now I feel like I am days away from starting the dreaded period...and in reality I could be, I usually do within 11 days of Ovulation...I hope I'm not though, I still believe Aunt Flo won't show her nasty face this month.. and instead the cramping will be followed by 9 months of bloating!
Today marks the first day of the TWW, I wonder how well I will deal with it? So far I am doing ok, although I find myself already looking up early signs and other questions related to pregnancy. It's been an amazing journey this month and we are still staying with positive thoughts. I asked Dh last night if he thought he would be comfortable doing an at home IUI next time, and he just calmly said, there isn't going to be a next time. Friends you must understand how unlike him that is. Always he has been the voice of sanity when we have tried before, reminding me not to get my hopes up, reminding me that there is a good chance it won't happen. He has never dreamed of a future child (He dreamed that he was visiting family with his son, only to quote him, "It wasn't any of my current sons." He said he was about five years old and looked like us) I have to restate, this is not like my DH at all...Now we wait, and according to DH until we are told otherwise, I'm pregnant as far as he's concerned LOL! Did I mention his first words to me today was asking me how I felt, and if I was doing ok.. so sweet.. too soon, but soooo sweet!
My body was so cooperative it held off ovulating until this morning, unfortunately the swimmers hadn't arrived still.. and then we got the call.. they were waiting at the post office, just a few hours (about 4) after I had felt the ovulation pains...and not only were they waiting, so was my preseed so I had approved lubricant for the speculum (sorry if that TMI) and to put up in the syringe to help get all the sperm out! So I am no officially in my TWW (two week wait) and am still feeling very positive about it all despite the bumps along the way!
I'm in a lot of pain today, but it's a good pain, even though I got the positive OPK yesterday morning my body still hasn't ovulated, which is very very good...because my swimmers have still not arrived! Deep breathing is very helpful for dealing with the discomfort and while I will be glad for my ovaries to return to normal, I am just as thankful right now that they are holding their precious cargo in another day...hopefully tomorrow everything will be a go! So glad I temped this month so I know what's going on, otherwise I would be completely devastated thinking my window of opportunity had passed...but as long as my temps stay down there's still hope!
I got a positive OPK today, that normally would be fantastic news.. happy happy joy joy.. except my swimmers aren't here, and probably won't be here until tomorrow at the earliest. I want to cry right now, I feel like somehow my body failed again, even though I know that my body isn't failing at all, it's doing exactly what it's suppose to do...I just failed on the timing part of things. I need those positive thoughts, I need my swimmers... I need this month not to be a total bust, again. Positive thoughts please come back!
Well legal or not it's a possibility gotta love life in the bush! My swimmers have finally shipped and with any luck should arrive by no later then Friday. Assuming they arrive on time they will be delivered by our local UPS/FedEx pickup guy who always takes any packages addressed to me or Dh straight to his classroom....so there will be swimmers in the school.. more then there is normally...sitting next to my husband's desk while he teaches.. Awkward! LOL! Now I just have to hang in there for 3 more days and hopefully we will have everything we need and I can finally breath a sigh of relief! I told my friend A, that I'm not really sure why I keep getting upset and stressed, if it's meant to be everything will work out. She laughed and said "Yeah Right!" oh how I love her ability to understand and make me laugh! Intellectual meet heart, and guess what heart wins! Intellectually I know that if it's really meant to be it will all go ok, but that doesn't stop my heart from worrying that something will mess it all up! Hurry up swimmers and get here so we can make a baby together!
