We are now over half way through our second month, and things seem to be going pretty good overall. We saw the doctor on Wednesday and found I had 6 eggs about 10mm at the time, the doctor wasn't concerned since I am a late ovulator..and sure enough I did go ahead and surge on my own Sunday at 4. Monday morning we did the first insemination and it all went off without a hitch, Owen was able to insert the catheter without any issues at all (except for cramping.. but that's just me, my cervix really hates to be touched), after we were done with our 4 a.m. insemination he cleaned up while I relaxed in bed, he left the room to wash the speculum and get it put away safely, when he returned he found the thing that shouldn't happen... apparently the vial that the sperm was in had rolled off the desk onto the floor, and there was Lulu, our little yorkie pup, happily licking and chewing away on it. We were both thoroughly grossed out, and I couldn't quit laughing, it was just all so ridiculous! I am now 3 dpi (days past insemination) and hoping that I can ignore things until it's time to test...I am thankful that there is so much to do during the two week wait, and am hoping that makes the time fly by much faster.
It's a rather difficult and yet blessed kind of situation when you find your dreams crashing down and beginning all over again the same day. That's what happens when you are TTC and AF arrives...all in the same day you must say goodbye to the dreams you held the previous month, and yet before the pee even dries on the stick, you are pushed into preparations for the next month. Sperm must be ordered and an estimation of when they should arrive made, the nurse that keeps account of your cycle must be called to be informed that it has all begun again and you are back to the start, then a plan must be made with your doctor for this next cycle. All of this before you even really have a chance to breath and recognize what has just taken place. Somehow though it's still an easier place to be then to know it's over but waiting for AF to show.. because in that space, no matter how much evidence you have been given that there will be no baby, you still pray and hope for some special miracle that will defy all the odds. Af is kind in her cruelty, for in a sense while she rips those dreams away, she makes sure we can't hold onto false hope, she pushed us back into the game, urging us to continue, when all we want to do right then is lick our wounds and cry out about the unfairness of it all. She doesn't allow us those moments though, she knows that nothing good comes of them, and that if we really hope to one day miss seeing her, we have to make those calls, let go of the past, and move forward towards the furture.
My temp dropped today, not below baseline, but close enough, and I'm cramping like mad, so pretty sure I'm out this cycle and AF will be showing up in the next 24 hours or so. Still, I'm glad I recorded everything this cycle, so I do have it for a reference for next cycle. Lots of things happened that weren't normal for me, I think the triphasic temps were possibly caused by a bug, which would also explain the dry heaving and nausea. I'm sad of course, and will spend the next day or so sad, this isn't as easy emotionally as I had hoped it would be, but deep down I knew it wouldn't be. I did test today, and it was negative, really negative. So we move onto the next cycle, I will be monitored better this next cycle with ultrasound at day 15, and an hCG trigger as long as everything is good to go, and I will make sure my sperm is here ahead of time this round.. so if all goes well I will know one way or another by New Years.
It's 1 a.m. right now, and I want to be in bed sleeping... looked forward to sleeping since about 5 p.m. Why am I up? Well first there was the 9:30 call from a friend, her husband had a seizure and she needed me to meet her at the clinic to help with the babies so she could be with him.. of course I said, pulling snow pants over my jammies and telling hubby to unplug the car and warm it up...we were back home about an hour later and I headed to bed, sweet dreams were calling my name. I snuggled down and waited to drift off... then my hips started hurting, so I flipped over on my belly.. that made my heartburn worse and my stomach start cramping, so over onto my side, still have heartburn issues and now my hip is hurting even worse. About midnight Dh came to bed to find me still awake tossing and turning, he asked if he could do anything to help and I asked for some tums, the heartburn was getting worse even on my back now, partly propped up. So he brought be some, I chewed, swallowed, and sighed.. surely now I'll get that sleep I want...then I realized, I have to fricken pee!!!! I try to ignore it, but as I lay there I realize the heartburn is also returning, so decide to kill two birds with one stone. Up to empty my bladder (no I'm not frequently urinating, at least I wasn't.. this may or may not be a thing?) and then take another couple of tums... heart burn gone, check, bladder empty, check..maybe I can finally get some sleep.. settle in and feel myself drifting, and then a new uncomfortable sensation starts to replace the heartburn.. nausea.. try to ignore it, but it's not easing up, it's getting worse.. then Dh turns over in bed.. and that was all she wrote.. up to the bathroom where I spent the last 10 minutes hunched over the toilet dry heaving into it... note to self, if one must throw up, please at least make sure there is something in there to throw up! So now here I sit.. belly seems to feel better, and I've decided I won't be returning to bed.. the couch looks much more inviting tonight...I told Baby Mine, tonight as I lay in bed, he could make himself known any time...if this is his doing.. well all I can say is he got his humor from me!
We live in a fishing village, fish and caribou are the main staples of most people's diet here, supplemented with moose, various types of fowl, and the occasional beaver. Of course none of this comes in pretty supermarket packages, you have to do the dirty work. When it comes to dealing with fish that is my job, I clean them and cook them generally. Until today. A gentleman brought us 3 beautiful lush fish (same family as catfish) some of my family's favorite fish, yum! I have been dealing with feeling dizzy since yesterday and today nausea has set in...so I suggested that maybe Dh should deal with filleting the fish, problem was, he had no idea how to go about it, and Lush have an odd kind of skin (its slipper kind of like an eel) and an odd body shape, so he was really lost. I finally jumped in to help, fearful of ruining all that yummy fish meat (never mind that at the moment the thought of cooking that meat was making my stomach roll)....handled that fine, showed him how, handed the controls back over, planning to supervise...and then the smell hit me, and I ended up bent over a toilet...never has butchering anything made me gag or even a little nauseous...so a good sign, I dare hope! Did I mention I have also been super dizzy the last two days, and umm a bit gassy...boobies are still sore and I am biting my nails until testing day! Got to go for now, stomach is rolling again...am I crazy that this nausea makes me smile just a bit?
I'm not feeling extremely negative about things, yet.. but woke up today and without going into details you don't I'm having a pre menstrual symptom...not happy! My breasts were killing me yesterday, today so far not as much, still tender but not as bad as they were yesterday... however not to strip all hope away, I am quite dizzy this morning, and a bit queasy (which probably is due to being dizzy). Officially in the last week of my TWW so still trying to stay positive about it all but I think mentally I'm starting to gear up for a let down!
My daughter gave me a hug last night, I pulled away startled, her hug was a bit uncomfortable... because my boobies were a little sore... fast forward to this morning, they are definitely sore today.. not horribly sore, just tender and sensitive...this is not a PMS symptom...and I am becoming more optimistic and less cautious!!! Stuffy nose is still here...and I have become a bit impatient and irritable, I catch myself snipping and it upsets me, my boys and Dh don't deserve to be snipped at, it's just me...but none the less, I keep doing it, and only after the fact do I realize I did it again...sigh..of course that could be PMS.
